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In the wake of my decision to devote myself to one faith, I was gifted a dream that has me very excited.

I usually have very scattered and disorganized dreams full of disconnected images and emotions that are hard to interpret. This dream was different in that it had a specific part that had me sitting up on the edge of my bed in the darkness of pre-dawn with the name "Loki" repeating in my brain. I stumbled up and went to find the Dream Journal binder I had made for class so that I could record the details before they slipped away. I kept all the lights off so that my rational mind didn't kick in too soon. I discovered that I had not put any paper in it, only the plastic sleeves used to hold hand-written sheets of paper. Then... still finding no notebook or something with lines on it, I grabbed a piece of printer paper and started writing.

Intuitively, I did not try to write in sentences. I just wanted to get down the main details of the different sections of the dream so that I could recall images later.

The dream happened on the night of 1/2/2017. Here is what I wrote:

- Sewing: contest, classes, older women involved
- Pool: selfies under water
- Loki: artist piece, sculpture, $80, would only pay $10/week, piece had animals that Loki? associated with
- Jessica: thin, young, was in the bldg and ran out to see me as I left
- Me: talk of my past, where I lived
- Money: broke, didn't want to pay $80 for the art piece even though the artist needs the money for her dialysis, agreed to pay $10/week, couldn't find bank card, had them hand-write a charge slip
- two cars on fire, not mine
- people in the dream knew me from my past, I was purposely dismissive

- Sewing: I dream of sewing a lot. It is something that I am good at and I do not do often enough. For me it symbolizes longing. The classes are because I love to learn to do new things. The older women is because I miss having an older woman in my life to learn from.
- Pool: This part was the weirdest. I chose to bring my new phone into the pool with me because they told me it was "water resistant" (which it is not). I have major self-image problems so I am sure this has something to do with me wanting to capture images of myself that do not look like the everyday me.
- Loki: This part is the coolest. I was in a store and the art piece was on a shelf and it was for sale. I picked it up and turned it over and around to look at it. The piece was of what looked like brown clay. It was three inter-locking animals: a cat, a horse, and a snake. They had runes carved into their backs. It was a puzzle, meaning that if you took the time to figure it out, you could get all three animals apart from each other and they would stand on their own. There was a lady (my feeling was that it was the shopkeeper) behind me watching while I turned the piece over and over and she asked me what Norse god it was associated with. I said I thought it was Loki. I never looked away from the piece. However, my waking self knows that although the snake and horse are associated with Loki, the cat is associated with Freya. So both of these gods wanted to make themselves known to me in the dream. I am sure I said Loki to the woman because two of the three animals are related to Loki.
I feel like there is more to this that I need to seek out.
This will be one of my focuses in the coming weeks.
- Jessica: In the dream, I left the store and when I was in the parking lot opening my car door Jessica came running out yelling "Mommy! I didn't know you were here!" with a big grin on her face. This is a sign of a couple things: I miss my daughter and she misses me.
- Me and the last sentence: This relates to the person that I used to be. I had written my maiden name at the beginning of this because the people in the dream knew me before I got married in October 2005. I was a bit of a wild child and did lots of illegal things that I am not proud of. I was also pretty promiscuous. So this section is alluding to mistakes I have made in my life that are never actually gone... they are still out there. And the people that I have wronged (or been sexual with) are still out there, too. Hello, guilt and shame. As if I could ever forget you are there.
- Money and the "two cars on fire" sentence: This relates to one of my faults and it is that I am a fairly selfish person. For example, when I was standing in the parking lot outside of the store and I looked over and saw the two cars on fire, my first thought was "Thank goodness neither one of those are mine." ..... How horrid. I fight against it but the reality is that I am pretty self-absorbed. The sad thing is that I didn't used to be... I loved to buy stuff for people just to make them smile. Too many years of having zero money, multiple bankruptcies, etc., has beaten that out of me. I think that this is referring to me wanting to work on bringing that giving quality out of me again.


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March 2017

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